What a pleasure to be able help! I chose to become coach because it allowed me to help people, as some have helped me when I was going through difficult transitions in my life, or sometimes, as I would have liked to be helped.
Because we have to be honest, I do not believe that anyone helps their neighbor out of pure generosity of heart. I believe that helping others is selfish, we help for the happiness it brings us, the feeling of accomplishment. Even seeing and receiving gratitude is selfish. And where is the harm? Is it really that bad to feel good when you're helping someone else feel good? Is one a bad person if the help given does not represent a pain, a constraint, a sacrifice? Is taking advantage of the helpful act really evil?
Why think that helping and happiness are incompatible? Why believe that sacrificing will make us happy? Or that it is more important, more noble, to sacrifice oneself than to be happy. Sacrifice has such a violent, dark connotation... After all, aren't we talking about human sacrifice? A ritual by which one puts an end to the life of another person in order to obtain compensation… not very positive all that…. A principle by which one person must lose something (preferably in suffering) for another to gain. Does it really work? Is the person who wins happy?
Should a mother sacrifice her life as a woman because she has decided to give everything to her children? Is forgetting a part of oneself necessary for donation? Does the gift therefore become a kind of debt that weighs, consciously or unconsciously, on the recipient?
This notion of sacrifice in suffering does not make anyone happy…. In any case, not permanently. So why not try to be a little selfish? Be careful, not selfish in the sense "I only live for myself, and the others be gone"! I'm talking about measured selfishness, which allows you to give to others and to give yourself, which allows you to feel good while making someone else feel good ... positive selfishness, which allows you to be generous, without letting your generosity intrude on your limits and what is important to you. The one that allows you to help, and to feel good about having helped, without making you feel like you're sacrificing yourself. Why not call it "selfishnice", because it is selfishness that is nice for you and for others.
So how do you decide to be “selfnice”? Why not start by asking yourself the questions “Will I be happy to help? If I spend a few minutes of my time helping, would I have wasted my time? or can it make him/her happy, help him/her move forward? »
Today, after dropping my nephew off at airport security, I popped into the terminal bookstore (I love looking at all the gadgets on sale for travelers). While I was waiting to pay for my new notebook (I also love notebooks…), a gentleman (a young retiree), with an accent that seemed American to me, was buying a prepaid SIM card. When he asked the cashier if he was supposed to install it himself, she replied rather curtly that he was. He tried to make her feel sorry for him by telling her that normally his children would have helped him, but she ignored him and moved on to the next client. Of course, I completely understand that the cashier does not have time to help her, and that it is not in her job description. However, she might have been able to comfort him in telling him it was not difficult…. Oh well…
Once I had paid for my notebook, I saw the gentleman on my way out sitting on one of the seats in the terminal hall. He looked a little lost in the task ahead. At that moment, I said to myself “am I in a hurry? do I want to help? could my day benefit from assisting this gentleman? ". My answers “no, yes, without a doubt!! »
So I approached him and offered to help him. What a joy to read the relief on his face! Thanks to my help, he was able to call his daughter to reassure her that he had arrived safely, he was comforted that his new card was working, and he was able to pick up his rental car in knowing that he was accessible by telephone and could also have access to the internet while on the move.
And me then? "Selfishnicely", I was able to practice my English (he was actually Canadian), I was able to do one of my favorite activities (playing with a cell phone, I loooove gadgets) and I hava had an encounter that inspired me to sit down and write this text, while smiling and feeling proud that I was able to help. And for the bonus gift, the smile and the gratitude of this gentleman who will perhaps, thanks to my gesture, have a funny anecdote to tell! 😉
Now, just for fun, and if we imagined that instead of helping this gentleman, I had decided to move on, just because, as often happens for many people (including me when I'm in a bad mood), it was not really my problem…. What do you think the results would have been?
For the gentleman: he tries for a few minutes to open the his phone's SIM card slot without the right tool (I discovered today that an earring can have several uses!), and like he has booked a rental car and he does not want to lose his reservation, he gives up without being able to call his daughter, without means of communicating while traveling in a country he does not know... etc. By snowballing effect, his daughter will worry until he can communicate again…. obviously there are dozens of possibilities of what could have happened, but you get the theme.
For me: I go on my way, and I do what I had planned to do, i.e. going to sit on a bench with my notebook, to wait for my nephew's plane to take off, waiting for an inspiration that probably wouldn't have come, and so I would have spent the time looking at my phone or playing solitaire... nothing very productive or nourishing, and I would surely have found the time very long...
Of course, not helping this gentleman would not have depressed me, or made me sad. It would not have changed the course of my day in a negative way…. But why miss an opportunity to be "selfnice" and bring positivity, satisfaction, pride, a smile, see a laugh, and make a good day a great day?? !!
I see no reason, and you?
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